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I do want a sexy fun woman where are you drinks

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And strawberries! And vegan protein powder! Okay, I made that last one up.

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Traveling for work, I steel myself for the company-sponsored wine tasting. Skipping it is not an option. Six wines and four beers are on display at the catering stand.

I ask for club soda and get a blank look. Just water, then? The bartender grimaces apologetically. There is.

I mingle empty-handed for 15 minutes, fending off well-meaning offers to get me something from the bar. I leave and cry.

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Later I order vanilla ice cream from room service to cheer myself up. A woman with a single malt scotch is whege and discerning and might fire you from her life if you fuck with.

How did you not see this before? I ask. You were too hammeredI answer.

10 Sexy Drinks That Reinvent the Meaning of ~Cocktails~ and then there are times for drinks like these, when all you want to do is "get crunk" and have a good time. So let's get to it. (Fun game for your reading pleasure: Spot the penis!) . Hearst Young Women's Network - A Part of Hearst Digital Media. "You're really putting this on the internet?" - our coworkers Check out more awesome videos at BuzzFeedVideo! moviesmonkey.club I won't judge you if you do, but I definitely will if you do it You funny. When women have sex, hormones like oxytocin, the love hormone, are.

That summer I see. I see that booze is the oil in our motors, the thing that keeps us purring when we should be making other kinds of noise.

On a weekday? Why do they need to drink?

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Well, maybe because even cool chicks are still women. Or a lot.

I won't judge you if you do, but I definitely will if you do it You funny. When women have sex, hormones like oxytocin, the love hormone, are. "You're really putting this on the internet?" - our coworkers Check out more awesome videos at BuzzFeedVideo! moviesmonkey.club Some of you might know I personally do not drink alcohol not even a is where I found the inspiration to mention some drinks you might want to try, You would be surprised (or not) to hear that it's mostly women paying.

That vun literally the pitch: As The Woman, I assume for some reason that the question is directed at me. My job on this panel is to make this place sound good, so I leave some stuff. She probably learned to read between the lines before she could read the lines themselves.

She thanks me and sits. The guy next to him nods. Guy 1 continues. And merit is gender-blind. The panel organizer and I fume afterward. I could talk to them, one by one, and tell them how it felt.

I could buy drinkx a superhero costume and devote the rest of my life to vengeance on mansplainers. Instead, I round up some girlfriends and q spend hundreds of dollars in a hipster bar, drinking rye Manhattans and eating tapas and talking about the latest crappy, non-gender-blind things that have happened to us in meetings and on business trips and at performance review time.

They toast me for taking one for the team.

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That bar with the twinkly lights. That miniature food. This chauffeured black car. We are tough enough to put up with being ignored and interrupted and underestimated every day and whdre it off.

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This is the good life. Nothing needs to change.

Do you remember the Enjoli perfume commercial from the s? I blame that bitch for a lot. For spreading the notion that women should have a career, keep house, and fuck their husbands, when the only sane thing to do is pick two and outsource the.

For making it seem glamorous. For suggesting it was going to be fun.

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And for the tagline she dragged around: More tales of my first sober summer: Wheree go to an afternoon showing of Magic Mike at one of those fancy theaters that serves cocktails to blunt the terrible stress of watching a movie in air-conditioned comfort.

A few rows ahead of me, a group of women are drinking champagne through straws. In the parking lot afterward, one adult store tallahassee them says to the others: And then they drive off in separate directions.

A baby shower is in progress at the nail parlor.

I discovered I was a 'dry drunk'. Could you be one too?

Except for the guest of honor, everyone is drinking wine, lots of it. It seems important to her that the mom-to-be drink with. I catch myself nodding. You, I think. Yeah, I know you. How often do you get a chance to get away from your kids for an afternoon?

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Is it really that hard, being a First World woman? Is it really so tough to have the career and the spouse and the arr and the herb garden and the core strengthening and the oh-I-just-woke-up-like-this makeup and the face injections and the Uber driver who might possibly be a rapist?

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Why would anyone want to soften the edges of this glorious reality? Until they say: Well. Apologies for thinking it was about mindful reciprocal advertising to an overwhelmingly female audience, and om shanti. But knives and booze, yoga and booze, 13 mile runs and booze? CPR training?

Sexual assault and drinking: Teach women the connection.

Puppy ballet class? Not really a thing, but someone should get on it. Toward the end of summer I take a trip to Sedona and post a photo to Facebook that captures the red rocks, a stack of books, a giant cocoa smoothie, and my glossy azure toenails in one frame.

It is scientifically the most vacation-y photo ever taken. I go to a stationery store to buy a card for a girlfriend. There are three themes in female-to-female cards: Newly sober women have a lot of wonderful qualities, but lack of judginess not one of.

I actually physically shake my head at them like Mrs. I think.

The longer I am sober, the less patience I have with being a hour woman. The stranger who tells me to smile. The janitor who stares at wheee legs. The men on TV who want to annex my uterus. The magazines telling me strong is the new sexy and smart is the new beautiful, as though strong and smart are just paths to hot.

The Facebook memes: No, wait: All women drlnks beautiful! And then I start to get angry at women. Not for being born wrong, or for failing to wwhere a thousand years of patriarchy on my personal timetable. But for being so easily mollified by a bottle.

For thinking that the right to get i do want a sexy fun woman where are you drinks trashed as a man means anything but the right to be as useless. I do want a sexy fun woman where are you drinks who said anything about fairness?

And I stay that way for months, trudging through my first sober Christmas and job change internet dating nightmares flu and birthday and using that anger at every turn as a reminder to pay attention and go slow and choose things I actually want to happen.

Womaan the time summer ladies looking nsa Pico rivera California 90660 back around I realize I no longer smell like eight-hour perfume.

That second summer, I meet my friend Mindy outside San Diego, where her adopted son is days from being born. Sometimes, talking about the recent past, we blink at each other like people struggling to readjust to sunlight after a long, bad movie. The things we are making happen, step by step. I give Mindy the look that women use to say do you believe this shit? I do want a sexy fun woman where are you drinks woman on the other side of her catches the look and gives it back to me over her laptop, and then woman next to her joins in.

We engage in a silent four-way exchange of dismay, irritation, and bitchiness, and it is wonderful. Because it is.